I hope to

The other day a dear family friend who is a lifelong missionary asked me if I missed my service country. "No," I said, "No I don't. But I hope to one day."

It's hard to know how much to push myself and how much to give myself grace for this transition back. Trying to find a job is not my favorite pastime, and feeling unemployable and unwanted are daily mental tracks that I have to keep stopping when I find they are playing...again. Wondering if I blew it and all chances for happiness have passed me by, wondering if I can ever build a meaningful life and community. Waiting is hard.

Despite all the emotions and challenges, I do have hope, and I'm striving to choose joy each day. As a wise friend pointed out to me, anything is possible for me right now. So, I'm knocking on every door I can think of, and trying to be very open to what and where God might be sending me. I have a car--huge praise! And I have people here in town who care about me and are trying to help me find where God has called me to be.

So, I hope to. I hope to
Find a job
Find a church
Find community and ways to serve
Find a new life rhythm
Find new joys
Find new faithfulness of God
Find healing

And I hope to one day be able to miss what I left behind, not to go back, but as a place and a time where God was good.

Warmest hat and steady progress

It got cold here in Texas, and I have twice found myself very glad for the amazing warmth provided by my Tronda hat. Despite it's shocking inside (look at how beautifully that lining whip stitched to the ribbing!),

you totally can't see it through the colorworked alpaca. It's hard to take a picture of a hat on your head, but I tried-

Over the last two weeks a few more stripes were put on the blanket for baby Grace, who is due at the end of February. Have to keep on it!

Not pictured because it's not terribly exciting and I'm to lazy to take the picture I forgot to is the second half of the back collar is well underway with my Ink cardigan, and I worked some more on on the Vinovia sock. Still haven't got the heel, but then again I haven't spent too much time on it as it's just complex enough with that traveling cable that I can't do it as theater knitting. I want to make a better sized 'throw in purse' sock bag, as well as one big enough to hold a sweater. The fabric is washed; maybe I'll cut them out tomorrow.

Speaking of theater knitting, I went to go see John Crist a week ago, and while I was laughing to the point of tears I got some work done on the second DVD Christmas sock.

I then took the sock to watch Aquaman--oh the eye candy!--and got a lot more done.

I finally assembled and tried to use my ball winder that I've been saving for my return to the States, but it wasn't working right. A quick Google search, some help from R2D2, and I had it all sorted.

Which meant, I could wind this yarn for a project I'm going to cast on soon as I get this posted! Huzzah for self rescuing princesses!

A final new adventure has been knitting with my own handspun. I've wanted to do the Color Dipped Hat for ages, and this seemed like a forgiving enough pattern. I just reached the part where it will be only the cream from here on out; I love the squish of fisherman's rib, but it does get a little old. Plus, I knit my sister's hat in Fisherman's rib twice over Christmas because of epic gauge error, so it might be a tad soon. That being said, this hat is the softest thing ever, and I'm LOVING it. I can't wait till I'm a bit better of a spinner though...

The sweater, the socks, the blanket, and THE HAT

Just over a year ago I joyfully finished my Crazy Strips Cardigan, remember? Most of it was knit over the four months of 2017 I was home, and then a sleeve and a half (and button bands? The details are fuzzy…I’ve slept since then!) were finished in December of 2017. So this January, I at long last gave it a good soak and a gentle blocking which improved the sweater immensely. The less than buttery soft KP Wool of the Andes sport softened up, the shape improved, and the general magic that makes you look like an extra gifted knitter was worked. Once that step was over and the sweater was dry, I then began the over the grosgrain ribbon button band finishing that I had heard about on The Knitmore Girls podcast, and is 1000% worth the extra time. Using their tutorial I carefully hand sewed a down the back of the button band that would be holding the beautiful metal buttons I had picked out a year earlier from Stitches n’ Stuff, carefully sewed a backing button behind each shank button, and then fray checked the knot.

This might seem pretty ‘extra,’ but wearing the sweater last weekend I knew it had all been worth it. The extra support on the button bands helps the front keep it’s shape, and as buttons are stress points, I’m not going to need to worry about mine. And, to too my own horn just a tad, I did a really neat job of it. Yay for details!

Speaking of details, two days ago I was merrily cruising through the first side of the collar for my Ink cardigan out of KP Hawthorne, when I looked back at some notes from projects I had particularly liked, and felt my heart pause for a second. I was doing a great job following the pattern, but I had meant to add an icord edging around the neck and down the fronts just as that extra bit of tidiness. And the problem with that is you have to do that from the start.

Now, the lesser part of me immediately started whining I could just start doing it and as it’s behind my neck no one would ever notice. And then the (large) part of my brain that almost kills me with stress on a regular basis bludgeoned it into silence and I took a deep breath, frogged my work, and started again.

Was it worth it? Gosh darn it, yes. I’m just about back to where I was when I had to rip out my work, and since the new 3mm needle came this week, I’ll be set to get into the sweater proper just as soon as I finish the collar. Good thing Hawthorn is quite resilient, and I like this cable pattern!

In more portable/less concentration needed knitting, I started on a pair of gift socks using some of the yarn I bought in Germany. This is Vinovia by the same brilliant designer who gave us "Vanilla is the New Black," and I'm loving the simplicity with the exciting detail. And, that the recipient has much smaller feet than me!

I'm plugging away on the baby blanket; I need to get this done by the end of February when the recipient is expected to make an entrance! I think I will make more than two of these before I'm done...

And, to close off, a few shots of my beauitful Toronda hat. Here it is all ready for my decisions about the ribbing,

And here is the top detail that captivated me in the first place.

I hadn't realized it could fall open, but as I only twisted the lining 180, not 360, that would be how physics work! That being said, it's heavy and slouchy enough I don't anticipate having a problem with wind whistling through to the top of my head.

So, that's what's currently on my needles! I would like to finish the hat this week, and cast on the shawl that I finally found the right yarn for. The problems you face when you move your stash back to the States in stages... Where did you PUT everything?

Finishing things so I can start thing!

Note: Actually most of this post was written last week (yeah, I have no excuse), but not being one to waste text I'm posting it now, and plan to do some smaller posts over the next few days.

As well as knitting, reading, finish-finish-finishing a sweater, spinning, and making something for MY NEW CAR, I’ve been working on several knitting project. Due to my rather unusual circumstances of moving my whole life back overseas, I finished most of my works in progress while I was in Zambia or shortly thereafter, so I found myself with a timely case of startitis. One of the main things I finished was my brother’s Cuthulu ski mask. I’m super not sold on the eyebrows; I’ll have to ask him what he thinks. It was a lot of finishing work, but my brother is worth it!

Another thing I finished was my collection of House star and stockings for my (someday) nerd tree. I didn’t have the burgundy or gold yarn, so I soon finished up Huffepuff and Ravenclaw, and now have the full set. Those projects (including the stars!) can retire…for now! I might start staring again next Christmas…

I’m making myself finish working on my Toronda hat before I cast on a shawl pattern I’ve been itching to start for some time now. I still love this pattern, it’s just a lot of stockinette in laceweight yarn now that the exciting pattern bit is finished! It’s living in my new Chickenboots bag; I’m so sorry she’s closing down the business!

The green, colorwork part of the hat is done with the lovely light fingering alpaca Lucy brought me from Bolivia a few years ago, and the incongruous orange and red is from a single skein of long discontinued Knitpicks Gossamer (laceweight) that much younger Lina bought. Since the hat is fully lined (yes, I realize how warm that will be!) (and yes, that means the orange and red doesn't show through!) I blocked it before making the magic of the top and starting the ribbing. I have become an absolute advocate for blocking, and I have to say it really made some magic with the colorwork section of this hat. Kids, don't skip the blocking! As we speak, I'm debating whether to do the lining of the ribbed section in rib as well, and if I should use some more of the Gossamer. Decisions, decisions...

The sewing project I have been working on is a car trash bag holder for my Matrix. I wanted something attractive and sturdy that would hold a plastic shopping bag that I could easily remove when needed. I used the tutorial here with a few mods; I used two fat quarters cut to 14” wide and as tall as the quarter. I meant to cut the front to 16,” but I totally forgot and cut them both the same width. So, I tore two inches off the back, and then proceeded as described. Mine Velcros at the side, not in the middle, because I didn’t want my passengers to have Velcro in the back of their neck. I love the boning to hold the bag open, and I’m quite pleased with how it turned out!

I'm trying to groups things as I've been doing several different types of crafting and have a few other things that I want to write posts about in the next few days, so to finish off I just want to extol the wonders of thread conditioner, like ThreadHeaven or beeswax such as this-

I have found that it makes a HUGE difference in hand-sewing endeavors; it almost totally keeps your thread from tangling, and it glides through the fabric in a very satisfying manner. Tonight I was sewing buttons onto the cuffs of this plaid shirt I bought to make it a 3/4 sleeve, as the buttoned cuffs made the sleeves a tad too short and rather tight, I wished my beeswax had arrived in time for the meticulous sweater finishing I worked on last week--pictures to follow! It feels so good to have time to make things, plan things, and be excited about being a maker...

Baby, I've missed you...

Over the last few years, I have been steadily falling in love with spinning. I started with a drop spindle, almost two years ago I bought an antique wheel (my baby!) from a friend. One of the challenges of not being able to take it overseas with me has been that every time I start getting comfortable with my wheel I had to go back to Africa. Spinning a whole roving using the ‘ply on the fly’ method was great practice though, and as I’ve been spinning this year I’ve noticed some real progress on creating a consistent single.

First, I started with 59 grams of beautiful light fawn/cream alpaca from Round House Alpaca Farm. I was able to fit it all on my bobbin easily, and once I got going and found a rhythm was pretty happy with the singles.

I then plied it up on my drop spindle which it barely fit on, but was rewarded with around 107 yards of nice soft yarn. Last summer I’m pretty sure I put too much twist into the green fiber I spun. I’m starting to feel the urge to knit a gradient effect hat as I have three colors of alpaca fiber to play with!

The next thing I started spinning was a pinky-purple roving from Maiden Yarn. It took a little bit to fall into the right rhythm for this fiber, but I got there! This isn't the best representation of how pretty the colors are, but hopefully once it's plied I'll get a better picture.

The roving was divided into thirds, so I’m going to take a break now that I’ve got the first third spun do another color of alpaca--rose gray! I have a little less of this one, only about 51 grams, but it should be plenty for a gradient hat or two! Now to start saving for another wheel…

Thrive

It’s early January again, and as always, I’m both thinking of what I want to happen in the year to come, and what has happened in the year past. The word for the year in 2017 was Hope, because that was the year when I made the decision to bring my time at the school in the bush to an end. The months I spent at home gave me hope that I could rebuild a future Stateside, and that life could look up. I got to spend time with friends, start making connections, and most importantly I think looking forward to the future again.

2018 was a hard year. A year of grinding endurance, struggling to bring something other than the worst of my burnt-out self to each day, and a year of struggling to find the balance between ending things right for my soul integrity and not making myself crazy. I did not want to drag anything I didn’t have to from the chaos of the end of such an intense chapter of my life, so on top of surviving I was trying to lay things to rest. The word that really characterizes 2018, the word I tentatively assigned to it last January and lived out with tears and anguish through 3rd term was Finish. I lived 2018 trying to finish all that I had to so that I could with clear heart and mind put down the burdens of the last four years, take a big breath, heal, and go back to battle again. Because I refuse to let that chapter finish me.

Looking back over 2018, there were some very good things. Things like:

* Meeting my personal knitting goal of 3 kilometers worth of finished knitting projects for Stash Dash, as well as achieving 9,268 total meters in finished projects over the year.

* Meeting my personal goal (because setting myself goals for not even imaginary internet points is dangerously compelling for me) of reading 80 books in 2018, and even surpassing it!

* Getting a name for my injury—tendinitis, and getting treatment that has largely cleared it up.

* Two sibling’s weddings! I’m so excited to welcome a new brother and sister into our family, and look forward to getting to know them better.

* Spending a week visiting family in Germany at Christmas time. It was so wonderful to catch up with people I hadn’t seen in seven years, and so fun to see a different, less ‘loud’ side of Christmas. I enjoyed many wonderful conversations, ate some delicious food, and reveled in the charm and general orderliness. I didn’t get many pictures, but the memories will last forever!

And, there were some very hard things about 2018. Such as:

* 25% of my 6th grade class failed the year, and overall this was my least prepared, least mature, and least motivated class ever. Almost every day felt like a losing battle, and teaching has never been so not fun.

* My tendinitis was a factor of almost every day, including two months spent in a walking boot. There were some very difficult to deal with reactions to my pain, and while there has been a lot of healing, I am still not back to 100%.

* Some of the reasons that I was leaving the school, became ever more painful and urgent as the year progressed. On top of everything else that was going on, I spent a lot of the year feeling crushed under the weight of responsibility, helplessness, and hurt.

* And, while leaving the school was a very, VERY good thing, there was a lot of loss in a lot of ways when I left. Possessions that are absolutely just that, but also things that I had for a reason, and am now working through replacing. I was established and independent, and for a time I’m neither again.

This year I'm choosing a word to live the year by, and I'm hoping that in 12 months I'll be able to look back and say, "Yeah, I did that. It was hard, but I chose to thrive where I was." So, here's to a year of putting down new roots, a year of choices, a year of rebuilding, and a year of healing. Here's to a a time to rebuild myself so I can pour out to others again. And here's to new adventures, and feeling like thriving is possible again. Bring it on 2019!