It's hard to know how much to push myself and how much to give myself grace for this transition back. Trying to find a job is not my favorite pastime, and feeling unemployable and unwanted are daily mental tracks that I have to keep stopping when I find they are playing...again. Wondering if I blew it and all chances for happiness have passed me by, wondering if I can ever build a meaningful life and community. Waiting is hard.
Despite all the emotions and challenges, I do have hope, and I'm striving to choose joy each day. As a wise friend pointed out to me, anything is possible for me right now. So, I'm knocking on every door I can think of, and trying to be very open to what and where God might be sending me. I have a car--huge praise! And I have people here in town who care about me and are trying to help me find where God has called me to be.
So, I hope to. I hope to
Find a job
Find a church
Find community and ways to serve
Find a new life rhythm
Find new joys
Find new faithfulness of God
Find healing
And I hope to one day be able to miss what I left behind, not to go back, but as a place and a time where God was good.
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